7/15

It takes time for me to feel happy. It’s a build up with a refreshing reward. A lot like my writing, I patiently and precisely eloquent each letter and word to have a sentence sound exactly the way I want it. Even if at the end of the day all I have to show for it is a few sentences, I know the end product will be satisfying. That’s how my happiness works, I have to work on it until I’m happy. It all takes time minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. But it only takes a second to demolish it.

I told Alice I would go deliver both our application tomorrow with the money. I would meet up with Glenn back at the house at 2 p.m. and head back home. My phone rings, I try to cancel out the sound in my head to stay in my dream, but the rings are ear-piercing and urgent. My phone never sounded that loud until that day. In the background of the phone tone is the sound heavy rain hitting my window and the roar of an ominous thunder close by.

I answered the phone, the moment Alice heard my voice she laid everything on me. Glenn had called and told her that he rented out one of the vacant rooms to another girl, and the other room was free for the taking if she wanted it. She denied him, and said that if I wasn’t moving-in with her that she didn’t want the place. What the fuck were the only words I could utter at 8 a.m. Jesse, go online and find a place even if it’s a one bedroom, even if there is only room for one person to move-in. I’ll do the same and keep an eye open for a two bedroom, but no promises, she said. I laid in bed for two hours, mindlessly staring at the rain hit the window. Once it let up I sat at my desk and called a list of places.

The sun didn’t come out today.

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