I had a dream this morning, the details are vague. I’ll try to recollect bits and pieces as I write this.
My friends and I were walking through a grocery store. I don’t think we were there for any specific reason, just three travellers passing-by towards an unknown location. I can only assume it was a route we took for the sake of time, to get to point A to point B faster. I’m not sure what led up to the following event, or the irrational thinking that went through my subconscious that disguised itself as my friends, but it all happen so fast.
Friend A and B were arguing over something, I don’t know. It resulted in friend B throwing a tomato at friend A. Friend A moved out of the way, and the tomato traveled its way towards me crash landing on my face. I retorted, as any sane man would, by throwing a bottle of vegetable oil. Friend B weaved out of the way, and the bottle erupted on an old lady that was shopping for veggies. She screamed. Security came. We ran.
We unanimously split into different directions, each taking our own separate aisle, but I felt like the slowest of the three. I ran as fast as my mind and body would let me. Nonetheless, I felt the hand of the law reach out and touch the hair on the back of my neck. With whatever energy I could muster from within, I picked up my speed for the sake of living. I franticly tried looking for an exit, bumping into pedestrians and knocking over products. The placed seemed lager than it did at the start, as if it kept expanding the closer I got to an exit; what felt like a small grocery store, turned in a Walmart Supercenter, into a mall.
Eventually, I found my way out of the ever changing maze. I was tired, alone, and lost. I took a few seconds to catch my breath, and looked out towards the horizon. From my view I saw mountains, out in the distance, towering over the town and scraping the sky, bordering me and preventing me from seeing what lies on the other side.
With nowhere to go, I started walking towards the mountains.
At some point, I found a door. Just a red door standing in the desolate area, blocking my path. I decided to go through it instead of around for my own amusement. I walked through and found myself in a hallway with doors on either side. At the time, I did not question the change of location for I believed it to be reality. In dreams you never question the situation you just act upon the setting you are given. It’s only in the wake of it all do you decide to reflect on its meaning.
I walked down the hall and peeked in every open door. I saw teachers teaching students. Each door contained a different age group of students. There were little ones, middle schoolers, high schoolers, college kids, and even adults. I looked in every room in search of a familiar face; I saw none.
I continued down the hall till I reached a crossroad, splitting between left and right.
To my right were a set of stairs blocked by a gang of teens, each dressed differently representing a different clique, persecuting each other over who had the better fashion or who listened to better music.
To my left was another hallway, endless, and with more doors.
As I was about to act on my decision, I heard the sound of heels clacking down the steps. Then a kindhearted thoughtful voice spoke. A voice only a loving mother can have. “Why aren’t you in class?” she asked the students. “You have the opportunity of a free education, and here you all are bickering over society gaps. You should asserts yourself and see the similarities instead of declaring a social war. Now get back to class before I write each of you up.” The teens all apologized and headed up the stairs. The lady who had spoken looked at my direction. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at me or through me, but her eyes carried so much emotion that I felt it bolt through me and weigh down my body; love, anger, fear, disappointment, anxiety.
She turned away and went up the stairs. I watched her walked away till she was out of my sight. Then I proceed to go down the endless hallway with the many doors.
I woke up breathing heavily as if I ran a mile.
This dream has been the lingering thought of my day, clouding any other feeling I might have wanted to produce. It comes to me at an odd time in my life, and I’m trying to decipher every little meaning like one would with words in a novel.
But sometimes dreams don’t mean anything.
I’ve recently made a huge life changing decision. A decision that I’ve been keeping in the shadows from both my friends and family. I think I’m afraid of their reaction since I know what it’ll be, and the many questions, that I don’t properly have the answer to, that’ll follow.
I made the bold decision to drop out of college.
The why, I feel, should be answered in a different post. At a different time when I have the answer clearer in my head.
Just know this. It was a decision I made at the beginning of the year, and I’m constantly wrestling with myself over it. The dream has added fuel to the fire.